If You’re Big Star Bound, Let Me Warn Ya, It’s a Long Hard Ride

Posted on October 27, 2010


So I was sitting around thinking about random stuff, and decided if Ryan Lochte were to ever hitchhike, I’m pretty sure this is the type of experience he might have:

Well, I was thumbin’ from Liverpool
I had my swim bag on my back
When a stranger stopped beside me in an wacked out Cadillac
Well he was dressed like worn out swimmer
Half asleep and hollow-eyed
He said “It’s a long walk to London
Would you like a ride, bud?”
And well I sat down in the front seat, he turned on the stereo
Them bad rap songs comin’ out of them 16 inch speaks were solid mutha gold
And I noticed the stranger was ghost-white pale
When he asked me for a break
And I knew there was something strange about this ride

He said, “Swimmer can ya make folks cry when you swim and win?
Have you paid your dues, can you win the jewels?
Can you win them US golds?”
He said, “Boy, can you take massive strokes from the depths inside?
Cause if you’re big star bound let me warn ya, it’s a long, hard ride.”

Then he cried just north of London
And he turned that car around
He said, “This is where you get off boy,
Cause I’m goin’ back to the ‘pool.'”
As I stepped out of that Cadillac
I said, “Mister, thank you for the help.”
He said, “You don’t have to call me Mister, Mister.,
The whole world calls me Phelps.”

And, if you’re big star bound
Let me warn ya its a long, hard ride!

 Watch out world, America is coming in 2012!

This is a parody from one of my favorite country singers, David Allan Coe, and his song, The Ride. 

Peace out!