“I cannot go to swimming today…”

Posted on August 16, 2010


Adjusted for the swimming crowd, via the great Shel Silverstein (my comments are in parentheses)

“I cannot go to swimming today,” (Likely story…)

Said little Susie Ann McVeigh.

“I have the soreness and the pain, (Poor thing!)

A gash, a rash and it’s in the rain.

My mouth is Chloriny, my throat is dry, (So, quit drinking the water!)

My muscles are going all awry.

My cramps are as big as rocks, (I recommend fluids.)

I’ve counted sixteen swimming blocks!

And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,

And don’t you think my face looks green?

My toe is cut–my eyes are blue, (Uh, wear shoes.)

It might be avoidomatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,

I’m sure that my left leg is broke (and will never work again because of dryland, I’m sure, right?)

My hip hurts when I move my chin,

My six-month-old suit is digging in, (Buy a new one!)

My back is trenched, my brain’s inflamed,

My “mental” pains each time I’m drained. (Read my “Pickle Jar” post.)

My nose is cold, my paddles are numb.

I have a cramp in my right thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,

I hardly whisper when I speak. (I’m losing my hearing anyway, so it doesn’t matter.)

My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out. (Because your latex cap keeps pulling…geez!)

My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,

My temperature is one-o-eight. (Finally working hard, yeah!)

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, (By the way this is true, the kids don’t listen to me and keep making the same mistakes over and over.)

There is a hole inside my ear. (Duh!)

I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?

What’s that? What’s that you say?

You say today is. . . Sunday?

G’bye, I’m going out to play!” (Figures!)